"It's hard to make the world less creepy when you are creepy yourself."
|Full name||Jones Ceepeeffdubya Johnson|
|Title|| Chancellor of the |
|Faction||He is rumored to be in the Peacekeeper Order.|
|Health||He's oddly skinny.|
|Status|| Indoctrinating students and enforcing |
|Occupation|| Chancellor of the |
|Interests||Writing, suggesting things, enforcing site doctrine|
|Friends||Those who obey the doctrines he was assigned to teach|
|Enemies||Dissidents, rebels, villains, and those who don't know their place|
|Archetype||Very good (a little too polite, for that matter)|
|Fourth wall||None whatsoever|
Jones Johnson is a mysterious, oddly friendly, human who apparently roams the halls of the School and its immediant vicinity. He states that his job is to "ensure morality", "decency", and to "enforce and distribute the doctrines I was ordered to obey". He seems to move about in a manner similar to Mrs. Bitters, though he insists that they are not in the slightest related.
After the Skool was destroyed, he found work as a psychologist in the town's psychology and psychiatrics center.
Jones' exact origins are debatable, but students of the School are never short of ideas.
- Some say that Jones materialized himself shortly after the School did, and that the two are somehow connected.
- Others say that Jones was a mystical response to the prevalence of darkness that exists around him. They theorize that this is why Jones dresses in white robes and otehr regalia.
- Still others theorize that he is a drifter, that he merely passes from town to town, and that he is only in this town for a while.
- A hypothesis also exists that Jones Johnson is Mrs. Bitters' brother, and when Mrs. Bitters life went "horribly wrong", Jones Johnson distanced himself from her and had his surname changed from "Bitters" to "Johnson".
Jones seems to suffer similar characteristics as Mrs. Bitters. He has horribly a disfigured, praying mantis-like posture, mangled hands, and a loud voice.
However, unlike Mrs. Bitters, Jones is a happier, more respectful human- if he is indeed a human -who seems to get along fine with children.
Jones further distances himself from the rest of the populace in that he wears white robes with golden trim. This is a stark contrast to the black and gloomy colors displayed by his peers, colleagues, and neighbors. Though this is questionable, Jones seems to be a king of sorts, as he is never seen without his triple-tiered crown. Jones also carries a pecuiliar copper staff with a bejeweled cross on top. No one, not even Jones himself, knows the meaning of such an item.
Regardless of his attempts to distance himself from the creepiness so common in his world, Jones is no less creepy than anyone he knows. His resemblance to Mrs. Bitters doesn't help.
Jones' personality may be the creepiest thing about him. Any connections to Mrs. Bitters immediantly become doubtable once Jones opens his mouth and talks. He is respectful and polite, even calling the kids "sir" or "ma'am" if they don't know their names. He encourages the students to come to him if they have problems or questions, almost like a counselor of sorts.
He expresses concern over the "impending darkness" that hovers around him. Jones routinely criticizes Mrs. Bitters for going on and on about "doom" and "sorrow" and "things going horribly wrong". He feels that such messages are bad for the children, who, in their own right, look bad enough.
Jones could even be considered a creature on the wrong planet. His behavior and respect are nearly the opposite of the world around him. While he is most likely a human, the aliens of the school assert that he is not an Irken.
- Mrs. Bitters has no comment on Jones. In fact, she hisses at him.
- He's the next-door neighbor of Ben.
See also Edit